I have a degree in molecular biology. I spent a decade at Google. I am, by most reasonable definitions, a rational person. And I went to a psychic. What happened next changed how I think about why we keep repeating the same patterns — and led me to build something better.

You don't need the other person's cooperation to heal from conflict. You don't need them to understand, apologize, or change. The healing happens in how you metabolize what's happening, whether you stay in the relationship or leave it. The healing is yours. It belongs to you. The other person doesn't get a vote.

Some of us vowed to never leave. Some of us vowed to never be left. Both vows come from the same wound, and both lead to the same place: abandoning yourself to avoid abandonment.

I treated my trauma like a renovation project. Then I stopped trying to fix myself and my abandonment wound and just sat with it. The relief was physical.