How to Overcome Limiting Beliefs: Spot the Words That Hold You Back

A lady overcoming a limiting fence

There’s a certain kind of thought that sounds like truth when it’s really a trap. These deceptive thoughts creep in quietly, dressed up as wisdom or maturity. They often sound like internal demands, creating stress and limiting your potential. They might sound like these:

• I should be over this by now.

• He shouldn't talk to me like that.

• They have to respect my boundaries.

• I’m not allowed to show anger.

• She must always be on time.

• He has to take care of me.

They seem reasonable at first. Responsible, even. But listen closely, and you’ll notice that these thoughts carry the heavy weight of pressure, judgment, and control. They’re rooted not in your authentic self, but in old conditioning, unspoken rules, expectations, and inherited scripts. They are classic examples of limiting beliefs that bind you.

These aren't facts or neutral observations. They are demands. And they usually come bundled with resentment, guilt, or shame that can damage your peace of mind and relationships.

Words That Reveal Your Limiting Beliefs

These limiting beliefs often use telltale language—words that hint you’re operating from fear, habit, or a need to manage perception, not from clarity or self-trust. Here are some of the most common words to help you notice your limiting beliefs:

• Should / Shouldn’t: Implies judgment, obligation, or an unspoken rule. (e.g., "I should be happier," "You shouldn't feel that way").

• Must / Have to: Suggests a lack of choice or extreme pressure. (e.g., "I must succeed," "They have to understand").

• Need to / Supposed to: Often indicates external expectations rather than internal desire. (e.g., "I need to be perfect," "I'm supposed to know this").

• Allowed to / Not allowed to: Points to perceived restrictions or internalized prohibitions. (e.g., "I'm not allowed to cry," "Am I allowed to say no?").

• Can’t / Always / Never: Overgeneralizations that rarely reflect reality. (e.g., "I can't do anything right," "You always do that").

• Right / Wrong: (especially when disconnected from your own values) Imposes external moral codes without genuine alignment. (e.g., "This is the right way," "You're wrong to feel that").

• Good / Bad: (especially when used to describe feelings or needs) Invalidates natural human experiences. (e.g., "It's bad to be angry," "I'm a bad person for wanting this").

• Normal / Crazy / Selfish / Dramatic: Labels that dismiss or pathologize emotions and behaviors. (e.g., "That's not normal," "Don't be so dramatic").

When these words show up in your inner dialogue, it’s worth pausing and asking: Whose voice is this? Whose rule am I following? Recognizing these as limiting beliefs is your first step to reclaiming your mental freedom and challenging your inner critic.

What to Do When You Notice a Limiting Belief

Once you notice a thought like “I should…” or “They must…”, it can be tempting to either shove it down (“Ugh, I know I’m not supposed to think this way”) or act on it immediately, often from a place of frustration, guilt, or resentment. Both are reactive, limiting choices that reinforce negative thoughts.

But there is a third option, which doesn't involve suppression or reactivity. It’s about creating space, understanding, and intentional response. Here’s how to overcome limiting beliefs in three steps using my Exhale-Explore-Engage method:

1. Exhale: Feel the Shift – Pause and Notice the Urge

When a rule-based thought surfaces—like “I shouldn’t feel this way” or "Should I even bother?"—your body often tenses up. You might feel urgency, shame, or a pull to lash out or shut down. This is your body's subtle cue that a limiting belief is active.

The first step to stop negative thinking driven by these beliefs is to interrupt that autopilot response.

• Take a conscious breath. This physical act creates immediate space.

• Slow down. You don’t have to do anything yet. Just notice: “Oh, here’s a 'should' thought."

That pause creates space, and space is what turns reaction into choice. It allows you to step out of the current of the limiting belief and observe it without immediate judgment.

2. Explore: Find the Pattern – What’s Underneath?

Now that you’ve interrupted the loop, it’s time to look beneath the surface of the limiting belief.

Ask yourself:

• Whose voice is this? Where did I learn it? Is this truly your value, or an echo from a parent, teacher, society, or past experience? This helps you understand the roots of your limiting beliefs.

• What am I afraid might happen if I don’t follow this rule? What's the real consequence? Is it genuinely dire, or just uncomfortable? This helps you challenge the fear often associated with these negative thoughts.

• Is this thought helping me feel more grounded, honest, or connected? Or is it creating more stress, resentment, or distance?

• What’s the deeper need or fear hiding behind this language? For example, “He should care about me” might reveal a deeper longing to feel chosen, secure, or emotionally safe. You might notice an inner part that equates being cared for with being constantly prioritized or anticipated, maybe because your needs were overlooked in the past.

This exploration illuminates the origins and true impact of your limiting beliefs and guides you toward overcoming limiting beliefs.

3. Engage: Flip the Script to Choose a Response Aligned with Your Values

Once you’ve explored what’s underneath the thought, you’re ready to engage—but not by jumping straight into action. First, you need to loosen the grip of the original belief. This is the core of how to stop negative thinking and replace it with something more constructive.

Start by noticing the "saboteur word"—should, must, have to, allowed to, can’t. These words are often a signal that you’re reacting from a rigid internal rule, not a conscious choice stemming from your authentic self.

• Try on the opposite thought. If the original thought is “He should care about me,” briefly try on “He shouldn’t care about me.” It may sound harsh, but trying it on (even briefly) helps interrupt your brain’s certainty. Or try "I should care about him." What emotions surface? Sadness? Anger? Freedom? Trying on the opposite reveals where the original limiting belief has power over you.

Now, consider two or more alternatives:

• "He should give me some space."

• “He should care about me in a way I want him to care about me."

• “I should care about myself.”

This step is crucial. Exploring other possibilities creates flexibility, and that flexibility creates choice.

Now you’re ready to flip the script and transform these beliefs:

• Turn judgment into a need:

  • Original: “She shouldn’t be so critical.”

  • Flip: “I feel raw and unsafe when I hear criticism. I need more kindness and care in moments like that." Or even "I shouldn't be so critical of her for being so critical!”

• Turn a rule into a request:

  • Original: “I have to stay calm so he won’t shut down.”

  • Flip: “I want to be honest without walking on eggshells. I’d like to ask if we can stay open, even when emotions come up.”

• Turn an assumption into a conversation:

  • Original: “If he loved me, he wouldn’t act like this.”

  • Flip: “I’m hurt and confused. I want to share how this feels for me, and understand what’s happening for him too.”

This is what Engage really means: showing up with clarity, self-respect, and a deep willingness to create something new, free from the constraints of limiting beliefs and their associated negative thoughts.

These “shoulds” and “musts” may seem small, but they profoundly shape how we relate to ourselves and to the people we love. Left unchecked, these limiting belief patterns turn into resentment, perfectionism, or disconnection.

But when you Exhale, Explore, and Engage, you take your power back. You move beyond the limitations of ingrained limiting beliefs.

You stop living by someone else’s script.

And you start writing your own.

Need some help? Schedule a free session with me!