About Letting Go: Embracing Change When Relationships End

What letting go may look like for someone.

Rejection is one of the most painful experiences we can face. When someone we love leaves us, rejects us, or when a relationship ends after a big fight, it can feel like the world has shifted beneath our feet. Eventually, many of us come to a place where we want to repair the relationship, to find a way back to the connection we once had. But here’s the hard truth: repairing a relationship is only possible if the other person wants to fix it, too.

This truth is especially difficult to accept for those of us who are people-pleasers. We keep hoping, trying, and holding on to the idea that the relationship can work out eventually. We replay conversations in our minds, imagining how we could have done things differently, or we strategize ways to bring the other person back into our lives. But there’s a problem with this approach that often goes unnoticed: time changes us, and time changes them, too.

The person we hope to reconnect with is not the same person who left. Likewise, we are no longer the same person they knew. The connection we’re clinging to is a memory of what once was, a snapshot of a relationship frozen in time. But life moves forward, and people evolve in ways we cannot predict or control. The version of them that lives in our mind is just that—a version. Similarly, the version of us living in their minds may no longer match who we are today.

This realization can be both heartbreaking and liberating. It’s heartbreaking because it means that the past cannot be recreated, no matter how much we cherish it. But it’s liberating because it frees us from the burden of trying to force something that no longer exists. It allows us to shift our focus from clinging to the past to embracing the present.

So, what does letting go really mean in this context? It means acknowledging that the relationship, as it was, has ended. It means accepting that even if you reconnect with this person in the future, it will not be the same relationship; it will be a new one between two new people. It means grieving the loss of what was while remaining open to the possibilities of what could be—whether that’s a new relationship with them or the space for new connections with others.

Letting go is not about giving up; it’s about making peace with reality. It’s about recognizing that your worth is not defined by someone else’s willingness to repair a relationship. It’s about honoring your own growth and allowing yourself to move forward without being tethered to the past.

As a recovering people-pleaser, I know how hard this is. The urge to fix, to mend, to repair can be overwhelming. But I’ve also learned that clinging to the idea of a relationship that no longer exists can hold us back from living fully in the present. The key to processing rejection and finding peace is to accept that the past is in the past. Only by doing so can we open ourselves up to the beauty of the present and the possibilities of the future.

So, if you’re struggling to let go of a relationship, take a moment to reflect. Ask yourself: Am I holding on to a version of this person that no longer exists? Am I honoring my growth and evolution? Am I willing to release the past so I can embrace the present?

Letting go is not a sign of failure. It’s a profound act of self-love. By letting go, you create space for new opportunities, new relationships, and new versions of yourself to emerge. And in that space, you might just find the peace and connection you’ve been searching for.