3 Questions to Ask Yourself to See if You Are Living by Your Values

Sometimes I catch myself racing through the day like a wind-up toy, ticking off tasks that look impressive on paper but feel strangely hollow. It’s sneaky, this drift away from what matters. At first, it shows up as a faint hum of unease, easy to ignore. But if I keep pushing, that hum swells into something heavier, like my life is happening somewhere else, without my full participation.

That’s what living out of alignment with your values feels like. And it’s measurable. A meta-analysis published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that people who live according to their personal values report significantly higher life satisfaction and psychological well-being.

If you’re wondering whether you’re living authentically or just living on autopilot, try sitting with these three questions.

Why Values Matter

Values are the fundamental principles that shape our decisions, actions, and overall life direction. They serve as a compass, guiding us through both challenges and opportunities. The link between our values and our happiness isn't just a theory; it's backed by extensive research. For instance, a 2014 meta-analysis in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology reviewed 83 separate studies and confirmed a consistent, positive link between living in alignment with one's personal values and overall life satisfaction. When our actions contradict what we believe, on the other hand, feelings of discontent and confusion can arise.

Understanding your values is the first step toward authentic living.

First question: What makes you feel fulfilled?

Take a moment to reflect on the activities and experiences that truly bring you joy and satisfaction. Consider the times in your life when you felt fulfilled or in the flow. Try to remember the moments when you lost track of time or activities that energized you, made you feel joyful and excited.

Think about:

• Personal Relationships: Time with people you love can be a powerful indicator. The long-running Harvard Study of Adult Development found that warm relationships are the single strongest predictor of happiness over a lifetime. Are you carving out space for that, or has “quality time” quietly slipped off your calendar?

• Career Choices: Work can also reveal what you value. According to Gallup, only about 31% of American employees feel engaged at work. If you’re constantly drained, that might be your values trying to get your attention.

• Hobbies and Interests: Do you participate in activities that excite you? Research on flow states shows that these deeply immersive activities boost well-being and intrinsic motivation. Maybe for you it’s painting, or gardening, or fixing things around the house.

  
  

Try writing down what makes these moments meaningful. It’s often less about the activity and more about the underlying value — connection, creativity, contribution, freedom.

Question 2: Are You Being Honest With Yourself?

Authenticity means being true to yourself and transparently expressing your values. Consider asking yourself: Are you living in a manner that reflects who you truly are?

Evaluate:

• Self-Expression: Do you feel comfortable sharing your thoughts and feelings? People who express their emotions openly experience higher life satisfaction and lower stress, according to research on emotional disclosure.

• Peer Influence: And studies grounded in Self-Determination Theory show that acting from internal values rather than external pressure leads to stronger well-being and motivation.

• Decision-Making: Do your decisions reflect your values, or are they merely responses to outside pressures?

  
  

If you notice you’ve been hiding parts of yourself to be more “acceptable,” that’s worth listening to. Your discomfort might be your compass trying to point north again.

Question 3: What Would You Change?

Imagine you could start from scratch. What would stay? What would go? Misalignment often hides in the places where you keep saying yes while quietly longing to say no.

Consider:

• Career Path: Do you find yourself in a job that doesn’t resonate with your values? People in value-congruent careers report higher satisfaction and lower burnout.

• Relationships: Are there relationships that drain your energy or contradict your beliefs? Toxic relationships don’t just hurt emotionally; they can harm physical health, as shown in this review on relationships and health.

• Lifestyle Choices: Are your daily routines supporting your values? Even small daily habits like walking outside or getting enough sleep are linked to higher well-being and lower stress.

  
  

Change doesn’t have to be dramatic. It can start with tiny pivots: five minutes of journaling, one honest conversation, one boundary held.

Turning Reflection Into Action

Once you’ve named your values, the next step is to treat them less like abstract ideals and more like living things that need care. Start by translating your insights into small, specific commitments. If connection is a core value, maybe you block out Sunday mornings for a long walk with a friend or a call to someone you miss. If creativity lights you up, carve out thirty minutes a day to write or paint, even if it’s messy. When your values become part of your schedule rather than something you hope to “make time for,” they stop being aspirational and start becoming who you are.

It also helps to make them visible. Some people build vision boards, others write a word on a sticky note — “freedom,” “belonging,” “truth” — and stick it on their laptop. These small reminders can act like lighthouses when the day gets stormy. And don’t underestimate the power of having people around who get it. Being surrounded by value-aligned friends or colleagues makes it much easier to stay anchored, especially when life gets noisy.

Practices like journaling or meditation can keep you grounded, too. Mindfulness doesn’t have to mean silence on a cushion; it can simply be pausing to ask, “Is what I’m doing right now actually important to me?” That one question, asked consistently, can slowly reshape a life.

A Life That Feels Like Yours

Living by your values isn’t about becoming some idealized, perfected version of yourself. It’s about choosing — again and again — to live as the person you already are underneath the noise. It’s a rhythm, not a finish line. You’ll drift sometimes. We all do. But every moment offers a chance to realign.

Your values are the roots holding you steady while the winds of life keep shifting. When you tend to them, life begins to feel less like something you’re chasing and more like something you’re inhabiting. And that quiet sense of belonging is what makes everything else worth it.