The Ultimate Guide to Managing Co-Parenting Schedule During the Holidays

Multiple holiday homes

The holidays often bring joy, love, and connection, yet they present unique challenges for blended families or those co-parenting. Over time, we've found methods to make the season enjoyable for our family. Although sometimes tricky, planning, remaining adaptable, and prioritizing the children have enabled us to craft a meaningful and loving holiday experience.

In our family, we’ve seen how different co-parenting styles can shape the holidays. With my first husband, we generally stick to the parenting schedule—whoever has the kids, that’s where they celebrate. But because we’ve worked hard to build a strong, collaborative co-parenting relationship, we often celebrate together anyway. This might look like sharing Thanksgiving dinner or exchanging gifts as one big group.

While it can be challenging, the effort pays off. Watching the kids light up as they enjoy the day without concerns about divided loyalties is truly rewarding. Additionally, we've discovered that celebrating together can lead to some of the most cherished memories for everyone.

In contrast, my husband and his first wife practice a parallel parenting style. They stick closely to the schedule and refrain from joint celebrations. While this arrangement is quite different, it works well for them and gives the children a sense of predictability. Each household has its own unique traditions, which the children have come to cherish.

Options for Managing Co-parenting Schedules During The Holidays

There's no single "correct" approach; numerous possibilities depend on your family dynamics and relationships. Here are some arrangements I've seen families use to manage co-parenting schedules during the holidays effectively:

1. Alternating Holidays Each Year

Parents trade off holidays annually. For example, one parent has the kids for Thanksgiving in even years and Christmas in odd years, while the other gets the reverse. This simple and fair approach allows each parent to enjoy various holidays with the kids over time.

2. Splitting the Holiday Itself

Some families divide the day, with one parent having the kids in the morning and the other in the afternoon or evening. This can work well if both parents live close enough to make the transition convenient and low-stress for the kids.

3. Fixed Holidays for Each Parent

In this arrangement, specific holidays are always spent with the same parent based on importance or tradition. For example, one parent may always have the kids for Christmas while the other has Thanksgiving. This works particularly well when both parents have strong connections to specific holidays.

4. Celebrate Twice

When schedules don’t align, why not celebrate the same holiday on different days? Some kids love having “two Christmases” or two birthday celebrations. It takes the pressure off and allows everyone to create their unique traditions.

5. Shared Celebrations

Celebrating together can be a fantastic option if your co-parenting relationship is collaborative and healthy. Whether it’s a joint Thanksgiving dinner or opening presents as a group on Christmas morning, this can create a sense of togetherness for the kids.

6. Rotating Holiday Blocks

Instead of splitting each holiday individually, some families divide the holiday season into time blocks. For example, one parent might have the children from December 20 to 26 and the other from December 27 to January 2. This approach minimizes transitions and lets children spend extended periods in each home.

7. Flexible Arrangements

Some families prefer to decide year by year, especially if work schedules or travel plans vary. While this requires strong communication and goodwill, it can provide more personalized solutions.

8. Non-Traditional Holidays

Not all holidays have to be tied to the calendar. Some families create their own “special days” to celebrate when they have the kids, like a holiday movie night or baking day.

9. Involving the Kids

As kids get older, their preferences can play a role in the holiday schedule. Asking for their input (when age-appropriate) can make them feel valued and respected, though it’s essential not to put them in the middle of negotiations.

Why a Thorough Parenting Agreement is Essential

Regardless of your choice, having it documented in the parenting agreement is usually very helpful. This document can be a lifesaver, especially during the holidays. It clearly defines who has the kids on major holidays, school breaks, and even long weekends, reducing the chance of miscommunication or last-minute stress.

If you’re drafting or revisiting your parenting plan, think beyond the immediate future. A detailed schedule that accounts for the years to come can make all the difference. Consider not only how you’ll split time but also how you’ll handle transitions, travel, and any potential conflicts. This proactive approach helps set clear expectations for everyone involved, which is especially important as kids grow and circumstances evolve.

At the same time, it’s important to stay flexible. Life happens, and being open to adjusting plans when needed can go a long way in maintaining harmony. The holidays are stressful enough—keeping things as peaceful and predictable as possible benefits everyone, especially the kids.

Managing the Emotional Side

Even with a solid plan, the emotional side of the holidays can be tough. Not having the kids on a specific day can feel incredibly lonely. I’ve had moments where I felt sad, wondering what they were doing or missing the little traditions we used to share.

I’ve learned to use the time without them for self-care and connection. Whether resting, reconnecting with my husband, taking a class, or tackling a project I’ve been putting off, this time can be surprisingly fulfilling. Connecting with the kids through a quick video call or exchanging photos also helps bridge the gap.

It's completely normal to feel sad from time to time. Acknowledge these emotions, talk about them with a trusted friend or therapist, and remember that experiencing such feelings is a natural part of life.

Prioritizing the Kids

No matter what your co-parenting dynamic looks like, please consider the kids and their needs and wants. Consistency, harmony, and joy are the greatest gifts we can give them. This means keeping things predictable, avoiding unnecessary conflict, and creating happy memories in whatever way works for your family.

One thing we’ve worked hard on is making sure the kids never feel caught in the middle. Whether with us or their other parent, they should feel free to enjoy the holidays without guilt or pressure. They deserve to feel loved and secure in both households.

For us, this also means embracing the differences between our households. The kids might have certain traditions with us and completely different ones at their other home—and that’s okay. These variations enrich their experience and allow them to create unique memories in both spaces.

Making the Holidays Your Own

The holidays in a blended family might not look like a Hallmark movie, but that doesn’t mean they can’t be magical. It’s all about finding what works for your family and embracing it wholeheartedly.

Whether we celebrate together, apart, or somewhere in between, the key is to focus on the love and joy that the season represents. It's about creating new traditions, respecting different dynamics, and consistently putting the children at the heart of it all. There’s no perfect way to do this; every family is different. What matters most is that the kids feel happy, secure, and surrounded by love.

How does your family navigate the holidays? I’d love to hear your stories, tips, or traditions. Let’s learn from and support each other this holiday season! ❤️