A Guide for Managing High-Conflict Communications
- Masha Rusanov
- Dec 4, 2024
- 2 min read
How to Respond to Common Attacks During Divorce
Divorcing a high-conflict spouse is one of the most challenging experiences many will face. High-conflict personalities thrive on escalation, personal attacks, and manipulation, which can leave you feeling emotionally drained and reactive. However, proven methods exist to manage these interactions and focus on your goals.
What Is the CARS Method?
The CARS Method® was developed by Bill Eddy, a leading expert in conflict resolution and founder of the High Conflict Institute. It’s a structured approach to handling challenging interactions with high-conflict individuals.
Eddy’s frameworks are widely used in divorce, mediation, and workplace disputes because they focus on de-escalation and proactive communication.
Here’s how it works:
Connect: Establish rapport using the EAR method (Empathy, Attention, Respect) to calm the other person.
Analyze: Shift the focus from the problem to choices, offering a solution-oriented approach.
Respond: Use the BIFF method (Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm) to reply in a non-emotional, solution-focused manner.
Set Limits: Define boundaries and explain consequences clearly and respectfully to avoid further conflict.
The CARS method reduces emotional intensity by helping you stay calm when high-conflict individuals escalate emotions to provoke reactions, thereby minimizing the power of their attacks. It focuses on solutions by shifting attention to choices and outcomes, encouraging constructive dialogue instead of dwelling on blame or past grievances. Building boundaries ensures you’re not drawn into cycles of toxic communication. Ultimately, CARS empowers you to take control of the conversation, enabling you to respond thoughtfully rather than reactively.
Here is a quick reference guide for managing high-conflict communications:
Managing high-conflict communications isn’t easy, but with tools like CARS, you can take control of difficult interactions and focus on your goals. Remember, the key is to stay calm, focus on solutions, and protect your emotional energy.
Feel free to reach out if you’d like personalized support in navigating high-conflict situations. As a mediator and coach, I can help you apply these strategies to your unique situation and guide you toward a resolution that works for you.
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